I'm a bridesmaid for my cousin and am hosting her shower. Because I was planning to have it at home, I planned some more expensive touches: renting china, real silverware, roses as a centerpiece. I was expecting it to be about $500.
My cousin loved the idea until her mom, my aunt, decided it wasn't classy enough, and demanded it be at a rented hall. We compromised and settled on the neighborhood clubhouse — an extra $250. Now my aunt wants to invite half her clients and my guest list has swelled from an expected 30 to about 75. The price is looking to be about $1,000 now.
I'm a single woman with limited income. What do I do? I wanted something special for my cousin, but now I just don't think I can afford it.
The other bridesmaids are half-sisters of the bride and a couple of friends. One of the sisters is getting married too and she and the bride's other half-sisters are a little financially strained at the moment because of the other wedding, and I was trying to take some of the pressure off by doing it myself. The bride's friends who are bridesmaids are moochers, but I don't want to go all into that. I just thought it would be easier (and nicer) to do it myself.
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April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
I think its time for you to step up……..to your aunt. Kindly inform her that if she wants to invite her clients, she should kick in with the bill, including the hall. Tell her about your budget and stick to it. When the bride and groom are off living their lives, you'll be the one stuck in debt. You don't have to argue about this, just be clear and to the point.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
Tell the aunt if she wants to invite so many guests then she can help pay the bill. Bet she won't be so excited to invite extra people then.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
if your auntie is so keen to get involved suggest she take over and pay for all .. or just tell her to back off you are hosting it not her
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
Um, you put your foot down.
Tell auntie she better pony up the cash because your limit is still $500.00. and that money is coming from her or the party gets relocated back to your place.
Cute how she asks for the moon & stars on your dime!
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
Step up and let them know that you are in charge or the shower, and if they have a problem with it, then they need to take it up with your cousin. Before you do tell them, confront your cousin about the situation first and let her know that you really want to do this on your own.
Sometimes people feel like they have some say into what goes on the second they invest a dollar into it. Personally I think $1,000 is way too much for a shower.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
Have your parent speak to their sister about the situation. they can explain the financial difficulty. If there is no parent to help you out, tell your aunt that you would love to be able to afford such an ordeal, but it is not within you financial capability. She may offer to assist you. By the way, why aren't all of the bridesmaid chipping in? That is what usually happens.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
You said your cousin loved the idea, why not ask her opinion about the change in location. She may be able to talk to her mom. Just tell your cousin that you simply can't afford it all.
What about the rest of the bridesmaids chipping in.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
I think if you spend a 1000.00 on a bridal shower your nuts to tell you the truth, its not the money or how fancy it looks, its the thought that counts, if its not good enough for the aunt then tell her to pay up or shut up.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
Tell your cousin that you had planned something nice and you are on a budget. Your cousin might be happy to help draw a line as far as her mom's clients attending. They don't need to be there, and you don't need to pay for it. She can tell her mom to pay the difference if she really wants them there.
Don't be a doormat.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
Go with your original plan. YOU are the bridesmaid, not your aunt.
If she wants to host a party to impress her business clients, then she needs to foot the bill and do it on her own, it has nothing to do with your cousin's wedding.
Tell your aunt politely but VERY firmly that you are going with the original plan. Don't feel that you have to justify or explain, you don't. Don't let her push you around. Just say no.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
Forget the neighborhood clubhouse. Have the shower at your house like you planned with the guest list you have and were given by the bride. If mom wants to do something else she can. Think about this too - your cousin probably doesn't want her mother's "clients" there. It may be the mom's sneaky way of getting these people invited to the wedding when the bride did not want them invited. Then the mom says to her well they were invited to your bridal shower so now you have to invite them to the wedding. This can open up a can of worms.
Tell your aunt to back off. You are throwing this party your way. If she wants to throw her own shower on a different day then she can but this is how it is going to be and you are not going to pay double what you were going to pay for her shower. If this doesn't work you may have to spoil the surprise and inform the bride that her mother has gone mad and that she wants to invite all kinds of business people to her shower. You can tell her this without giving away other details like the day and time.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
Your aunt is ungrateful. Does she really think her clients want to go to her daughters wedding shower? Shes out of line.
Go back to your original plan and tell your aunt you are organizing everything yourself. Dont take her input.
To be honest, I think it will be nicer at your house than at some hall.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
Get your Aunt to pay for it!
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
A bridal shower is supposed to be a small intimate event with the Bride's closest friends and relatives NOT a gift unwrapping marathon that involves a lot of people who do not know each other.
Right now you have TWO choices you either keep it affordable and "small" OR you start asking for $$$$ help.
If you are hosting the shower then all the choices are YOURS, the Bride's Mother really shouldn't be telling you what to do. Neither the Bride's Mother nor the Groom's Mother should host or influence or sponsor a bridal shower. Why? It is a form of solicitation.
Oh, by the way, if all seventy-five people bring gifts then you will need to include the cost of renting a forty foot delivery truck to take those gifts to the future Bride's home.
Answered by: A Certified wedding specialist / A Professional bridal consultant / A Wedding ceremony officiant
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
Tell her your budget was only $500…and that you are willing to organise it somewhere else but you have to stick to your budget. If she insists on having it at that certain place, ask her to pay the extra on top, as you can only afford $500.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
It sounds like your aunt needs to be forking over the price for the extras that she is demanding.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
Well, that's just ridiculous. It's a freakin' shower, that's all- not a wedding reception. I think you need to say to your aunt, "Listen, I was budgeting for a much smaller party. If you need it to be this opulent, you might be better off throwing it yourself." Then prepare for the family feud. But still, you can't take this lying down, family or no. No need to shell out $1000 just because your aunt is an uppity, nouveau-riche acting Momzilla of the bride (which by the way, the bride sounds like a sweet girl.) If the aunt isn't going to fork over the extra money, she can't expect you to just to suit her tastes. My God, I'll be lucky if they throw me a bridal shower at all, and if they do it will probably just be at Texas Roadhouse or whatever, LOL. Some people certainly have grand ideas of themselves, don't they?
Well, sorry, didn't mean to insult your aunt, but she needs a dose of reality if she thinks you have to pay for this. I'd get my mom (her sister?) involved if I were you.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
well if the aunt wants all these extras she needs to pay for it! no if, ands, or butts, she wants more, she pays for more. what you were planning sounds lovely. i would still pitch in what you were originially planning to pay and have her pick up the extra costs. if she doesn't offer discuss this with her pronto. there's no way you should be stuck at the end with such a huge cost!!
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
i would go with your original idea and send the invites to the original people. you don't owe anyone any explanation, unless she wants to pay for the extras I would just do it at home.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
I would tell your Aunt the truth. I cant believe she has not offered to contribute to begin with. This is a lot of money for you, and tell her that you cant afford it. I thought your initial rentals were beautiful with the china. Honestly, if someone is not paying for anything, then they should not be able to invite someone or criitize what your doing.
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
I am the bride and my mom actually did something very similar to my sisters. My two sisters are my maid and matron of honor and were planning a nice shower for me, they asked for my guest list and I gave them 19 people. It was going to be a nice together with friends I haven't seen much because I now live out of state.
Well my mom and her friend decided that it wasn't nice enough and they took over, but are paying for everything.
I'm a little annoyed that they took over because I wanted my sisters to plan my shower, but I guess i'm getting a "more expensive" shower out of it (not necesaily better).
So I would tell your aunt either she can cough up the money to pay the bill for the difference OR let her know she can feel free to plan her own seperate shower where she can have it wherever she wants and invite whoever she wants.
She definately needs to pay for the difference in the price, at the very least! It's tough getting the bride involved, but you could ask her what she would prefer. If she is all for having the "classier" shower, then you don't need to feel as much pressure to get your aunt NOT to do it, but just get her to pay for it. If the bride would rather the smaller/simpler (but still very classy in my eyes, if you rented china! Gosh, that is so nice of you!) then maybe she could step in and talk to her mom as well.
Had I found out my mom was trying to bogart my shower while the planning was still taking place, I definately would have asked her to take a step back. There is a time and a place for the bride to become involved because you dont want to stress her out, but sometimes it's needed to see what her opinion is.
Good luck! Stand your ground!
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
Tell Auntie that she will have
to contribute funds, due to x-tra
money needed for hall rental and
her clients attending!!
April 18th, 2008 at 1:32 am
send your aunt the bill for the balance of the $500 you expected to spend ! Real talk she was rude to not ask you what your budget was before adding people and additional costs …